True Love

Do you remember when was the last time you had a crush on someone? It's been so long since I fell hard for someone. And I'm not talking about just thinking someone is really cute but I mean, you see that person for who s/he is and just instantly feel weak in the knees.

My last time was this guy, who, of course, I won't say who but I fell for him HARD. Gosh, I can still remember that very second I felt something for him. I had a dream that he confessed his love for me and then we kissed (ok, that was like the short version of it). Then I woke up and I was like, oh my god, I think I love _____. It was such an incredible, powerful feeling I've ever had for someone. You start looking and thinking about them differently. That person became your world and you wanted so badly to be a part of theirs. Needless to say, he never reciprocated but it was an intense 3 years of my life. Ever since then, I haven't had a strong feeling about anyone else. I've liked guys since, but those feelings haven't been the same. They were just like, ok, I think I like them sorta thing.

What I am trying to get at is, finding a physical, mental and spiritual connection with someone who will reciprocate can be impossible. I don't know if I'm ever going to find anyone like that. Don't get me wrong, the physical part is superficial that we can look beyond that. But how do you find someone who gets you, who knows what you are thinking without having to say it out loud? I guess I will just have to keep on looking.

Coincidence?...I think not - maybe it's Karma at play again

It's so hard keeping up a blog, unless of course you're my roommate who LOVES to write. I think I wait a while because I can let things build up so I have something to write about.

I started a new job on Monday as a marketing sales assistant with Katz Media Group. I kinda got the job through Lauren who will get a $500 referal fee and another $500 after six months, if I'm still there. So last friday I had an intense dream in the morning. I dreamt that I was back in Thailand, at my grandparents house. My grandparents have passed away for more than a year now. The weird thing was, in my dream, I was on the phone with my grandfather. He was giving me advice about life in general, telling me that "in life we make a lot of sacrifices and those sacrifices will be redeemed in ways you wouldn't expect." And as he is telling me all of this, I hear another phone ringing and one of my cousins picked up and phone and aske me if I knew a girl named Liz from Katz Media. I told them yeah, I've been expecting her call. But I was still on the phone with my grandfather and I didn't want to be rude so I told my cousin I would call her back. My cousin said that Liz wanted to let me know that I got the job. This was all in my dream. I go into work and two hours later, I get a call from Jim, the vp of Dimensions. He told me he would love to have me come aboard because he thinks that I would be a great addition to the staff. Ok, how freaky weird is that! I called my mom and told her right away and she was just in disbelief but nonetheless very happy for me.

At first I kind of thought I would be regretting not being in the office as much at KIIS but I think over all, I made the right decision. At least with the new job I have benefits and the pay is DEFINITELY better. I just hate the drive but it's worth it. So now I'm just doing TigerHeat and weekends, which is really tiring.

Oh, on that same day when I found out about the job, Andrew and I broke up. It was a mutual understanding because we both feel that we don't see eye to eye and decided to go our separate ways. The sad thing was that we broke up over aim and that wasn't my intention. It just kind of happened that way but I think we left on good terms.

All I can say is being single now is kind of fun cuz before I really wanted a boyfriend. But I think I'm just happy flying solo for a while. It's gonna be a really long time before I find another guy to date, I'm sure of it. I mean, I don't really date. We will see.

That's it for now. Fill write more as more things happen!

Karma

I came home today only to find a $35 parking ticket on my car. It was parked on the side of the street where there's a "No Parking Noon-2pm Tuesdays" sign that's clearly posted. I told a friend of mine what had happened and he told me that my "karma is depleted." That got me thinkink, scary to think that I had any karma left from what I did two weeks ago. So all of last week I did whatever I could to rebuild myself back into good karma status. The thing is, karma is tricky. The things you do must come straight from the heart, with no other intentions. You can't just do something good, in hopes that you will get the same in return. Once you think that you are only doing it because you want something good in return, it doesn't count because it was fueled by selfishness and greed. Next time you think about doing something nice for someone, do it because you want to see that person smile or laugh. Why not bring a little happinees into someone's life.

Ok, so that was totally like too down to earth but I had to say it. I was starting to think I'm becoming too "L.A" as some of my friends have pointed out to me. It's not my fault people, the industry made me this way! Regardless, I know where I came from and who helped me to be incredible person I am today. Thanks mom, I love you.

One Year Later

Funny thing happened today. I was kinda bored and as usual, I began reading other people's away messages. So I ran across my roommate (Steve White) and read some of his blog postings. Then I realized I had started one of my own last April. But of course, it's been over a year so I didn't even remember my username or password. Somehow I guessed what email address I had used and was able to log in again with a new password that I just blanked on at the moment. Anyway, so I posted a comment on one of his blogs, hopefully others will read it and cherish my thoughts forever. Then it got me thinking, I got some down time now, I should post one, especially one year later. So here goes....

It's been a year since I graduated and a lot of things have happened. I'll take you down a quick memory lane..

After graduation I...

- Went to Thailand for a month and had a great time with Jeff and my mom. I enjoyed my time there because I learned a lot about myself, how much I valued being Thai and having Thai roots. People in Thailand have such uncompromising generosity towards everyone; that they make everyone feel welcome. I guess that's where I learned to be the friendly, out-going person that I am today. (*pats shoulder). At the same time, however, my grandfather's failing health worsened and it got to a point where he couldn't even get out of bed. I was really lucky being one of the few grandchildren who got to take care of him. He passed away in August.

-Struggled finding a full-time job. KIIS turned me down because they had just finished hiring people for the summer. But I guess I had some good karma left, I got a call two weeks later and got a position to be a show producer for one of the morning show's personalities. He fired me a week later but my boss, Kevin Seki (at that time), kept me because I guess he thought I was a good kid. I've been there ever since, trying to work my way up to something full-time but nothing so far. I'm not giving up.

-Moved back home and stayed there until May 2004. I moved out the first week of May into a cute apartment in Burbank (2.88 miles from KIIS). My roommate is a straight white guy and he's totally awesome. We make a really good roommate match.

-Started dating someone a few weeks ago. He's really cute for someone a bit older than me (12 years older), though it's going really great so far. I'm not gonna say much more cuz I don't wanna jinx it.

That's pretty much me in a nutshell. Life is great, work is great, love life is great. My relationship with my parents have gotten 100 times better since I've moved out. It's like I actually have time to miss my mom though I miss coming home with food on the table. I gotta resort back to my college days again..haha. I'll survive..I'll survive.